100 mundane sentences without punctuation beginning with “I” of things that I did between 6:15 am and 2:30 pm on November 29

On Facebook there are lists circulating asking details about a person’s interests, reading habits, memories, etc. with a request that they tag others to participate. Does anyone read the lists of anyone? Maybe someone they have a crush on for clues, but otherwise? I like questionnaires. I think they’re fun and ego gratifying to fill out but I don’t participate in the Facebook lists because afterward I feel like, “why did I do that?”

I like making lists. Here is my list of 100 mundane sentences without punctuation beginning with “I” of things that I did between 6:15 am and 2:30 pm on November 29.

1. I woke at 6:15 am
2. I leaned way off the bed to turn off the humidifier
3. I can take only so much of the humidifier noise
4. I know a humidifier is good for my complexion
5. I pet the dogs
6. I pulled my nightgown from beneath Roxy
7. I poured coffee
8. I use a Mr. Coffee-style automatic programmable coffee maker
9. I don’t care that there are advances in coffee-making techniques
10. I think Mr. Coffee is like having a servant
11. I got back into bed
12. I read a few wedding announcements in the Sunday New York Times
13. I decided the gay marriage might last because they’re identical
14. I read the entire article about Coty buying OPI nail polish
15. I read this because I have a keen interest in nail polish and I was half asleep
16. I turned back to the part where it said it was for 1 billion dollars CASH
17. I learned that OPI was a dental product company Odontorium Products Inc
18. I read a chapter from a friend’s book
19. I turned on my office computer
20. I got more coffee
21. I made a mental note to water the plants
22. I read email
23. I responded to a writer who wants references for me as an editor
24. I played Lexulous
25. I went into my bedroom
26. I stared at my workout clothes
27. I got my client book and gym bag together
28. I walked past the barking dogs
29. I forgot my iPhone
30. I walked two blocks to the F/G trains
31. I had to wait through two F trains before the G train arrived
32. I noticed the train was unusually packed with post-Thanksgivingers
33. I got hit in the shoulder by a woman’s large bag swinging over me
34. I told her to move her bag
35. I said please
36. I tripped off the train at Fulton Street
37. I got my foot caught in a man’s suitcase handle
38. I yelled “Jesus Christ!”
39. I walked the two blocks to David’s house
40. I was 5 minutes late when I buzzed his buzzer
41. I walked past the dog statue and unpainted canvases
42. I turned on the lights in his gym and inspected my flyaway hair
43. I took weights off the bench press while waiting for him to come down
44. I had a conversation with him about the Baldessari show
45. I asked questions about who was at his Thanksgiving
46. I told him I saw Tiny Furniture and what Theo said about it
47. I listened to him describe an article about a 91-year-old woman athlete
48. I admired his pecs and triceps
49. I take the credit for how good they look
50. I took the G train
51. I got off at 4th Avenue and 9th Street by habit to go to the gym
52. I went to the gym before I had time to talk myself out of it
53. I read the article whilst on the Lifecycle about the 91-year-old woman athlete
54. I ran on the treadmill and almost skipped over Amoreena by Elton John
55. I then remembered Piper asking me when I knew I was a writer
56. I listened to Elton sing “living like a lusty flower” and “…puppy child”
57. I thought to tell Piper that words that hooked me made me write
58. I pushed myself harder on abs and upper body
59. I want to be an athlete at 91
60. I walked home taking big steps and not stepping on cracks
61. I walk faster that way if I make it a game
62. I said hi to my upstairs person on the stoop and the dogs barked
63. I put on the happy dogs’ leashes and we went out the gate
64. I walked alongside a man the size of a tree in a suit
65. I wanted to get ahead of him but the dogs stopped to pee
66. I thought he didn’t see me behind him on the narrow sidewalk
67. I texted Jenny a philosophical question about sex
68. I read her reply that it’s not that simple and she was on a conference call
69. I brushed the dogs teeth and gave them treats
70. I took a shower
71. I leaned against the shower tiles and several were loose
72. I thought of Young Frankenstein when Gene Wilder spun around in the wall
73. I didn’t put on eye makeup
74. I am only going out again to walk the dogs later
75. I put on lipstick because I can’t not wear lipstick once I start my day
76. I wore stay-at-home rather than hit-by-car panties
77. I don’t know if #76 makes sense to anyone
78. I looked at my ass in the mirror to see if it is heading further south
79. I made oatmeal with pecans, cranberries, and ginger syrup
80. I read another chapter from another friend’s book
81. I read a review of Steve Martin’s book but I don’t know
82. I thought apropos of nothing that I hate the concept of flash mobs
83. I think they are fascistic and conformist and militaristic
84. I told Theo that idea last night while we ate at Romans and he said hmmm
85. I paid ConEd and At&T bills
86. I debated whether to buy gloves online that let you use an iPhone in winter
87. I compared dog food prices online
88. I looked at artsy candlesticks that I want
89. I don’t use candles but maybe I would one day
90. I screwed around on Facebook
91. I wrote out a schedule for the rest of the day
92. I do this so that I will schedule writing and then stick to it
93. I sat down to write this list
94. I should be writing my book
95. I wrote “write 1-2pm”
96. I am writing but not what I’m supposed to be writing
97. I am bad at enforcing my own rules
98. I made coffee
99. I think this list is pretentious
100. I will ask Jenny