Some things from October

This isn't much of a blog entry. I've been writing about class -- What Class am I? is my question -- and also about sexual justice in the US based on a conversation I had with a friend who boycotts Woody Allen movies (and probably Roman Polanski). I boycott neither. I've been having a hard time writing and I have to think about it and get out of my rut. So for now, these are some things that happened in October -- great, weird, and other -- that have shifted my consciousness:

*My personal training business took off. One of my clients is a former client. We were in our 30s when we worked together last and we’re now in our 50s. I know his body well and it’s all very poignant and self-reflective to see a body that I in part constructed, age. He’s also one of my favorite painters and to be around his work again, and the work of other creative clients, makes me feel I’ve returned from a long exile. (Though at the same time, I loved my Northampton clients. They were what made me feel connected to a bigger world of ideas and experience while I lived there.)

*Old friends and people from the past keep popping up, especially from Los Angeles in the 70s and 80s. Those were sybaritic times in a hedonistic place. Everyone was young, self-absorbed, and fucked up from drugs or fame or the glimmer of it. Now we’re all a little vulnerable. Less interested in the next pursuit and more interested in knowing and being known. And far more interested in love.

*My childhood sexual perpetrator cracked. Suicidal wishes and possibly a suicide attempt put him in a psych hospital. I’ve been informed that he talks about me obsessively to psychiatrists and anyone who will listen. He’s haunted. This new revelation made it hard for me to write. I have a tendency to depersonalized people who betray me. They stop in time. I refer to them by a term rather then their name. I don’t imagine their personhood. I don’t give them humanity. With other people this ended when I reached a point of indifference, but that never happened with him. This new information reanimates him. I don’t like it.